An-Nisa · Madani · ayah 21 of 176

An-Nisa 4:21

وَكَيْفَ تَأْخُذُونَهُۥ وَقَدْ أَفْضَىٰ بَعْضُكُمْ إِلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَأَخَذْنَ مِنكُم مِّيثَـٰقًا غَلِيظًا

“And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?”

Saheeh International

Essence

After two people have entered each other's open space and bound themselves with a thick covenant, nothing given can decently be clawed back.

A reflection

What you learned in closeness cannot become a weapon

During a bitter separation, a man finds himself using what he knows. Her fear of being alone at night. The debt she hid from her parents. The thing her mother said at the wedding. He knows exactly where it will hurt, because she once told him.

'And how could you take it, when you have gone in to one another?' The verb is afḍā. Its root is faḍāʾ, wide open land with nothing in it. To afḍā to someone is to arrive in their open space. The same verb is used for opening a secret to a friend.

The commentaries read the phrase as marital intimacy. One modern summary in the sources widens it: the relationship, the affection, the enjoyment, and the knowledge of each other's secrets. A classical commentator puts it with feeling. She gave herself to you. Complete closeness and full affection grew between you. How can anyone of sound nature then reclaim what he gave willingly?

Another commentary quotes a saying of the Arabs: twenty days of companionship make a kind of kinship. How much more, then, what passes between husband and wife.

The ayah's argument reaches beyond the dowry. Whatever you received in someone's open space came to you on trust. Their history, their weaknesses, their unguarded words. A relationship may end. That knowledge does not become yours to use against them.

Is there something you know about someone, only because they once let you close, that you are tempted to use? The ayah asks: how could you?

The full entry has 5 more reflections, questions to sit with, and "Live it today" - with the words, the roots and the tafsir alongside. Free, no account, works offline.